My biggest fears

It’s always difficult to admit your deepest darkest fears. These are your insecurities, the fault to your being. Since my blog at the moment has become a bit of an outlet for this time in my life, I’m just going to ride this train until we reach the last stop. Then hopefully, we swap rides.

At the moment, these are my biggest fears. I’m hoping that by putting these out there, it will make me feel a little better and, perhaps, shine a light for people allowing them to realize they aren’t alone!

I know some of these fears are probably a tad irrational. I know I am young and have many years to come, but as of now, living my life and reflecting on it so far, these are my fears.

  1. Being alone. Now I know this fear will get a lot of hate. Whenever I admit I’m scared shitless of being alone, I get told off. I’m just worried that I’ll have to date more and more people, and waste year after year after year. Then before I know it, I’m in my mid-thirties and I’m approaching an age where babies are difficult to conceive. At this age too, everyone has already settled down and I don’t want to be left behind. I have so far wasted 2 years. Every relationship I’ve had is longer than the last. And this leads me to my next fear
  2. Being lead on again. I don’t want to be in a long relationship and have it crash down around me. I’m so scared about having gotten used to the idea of someone and the life you have together. Then planning your future together and falling more and more in love and getting super invested. And then. Bye.
  3. Being alone (friendwise). Through my depression and anxiety and also  my failed relationships, I lost a lot of friends. And I mean a lot. When I first had quite an intense depressive episode, I was confused and didn’t feel  like myself and nobody understood. They all back away and I was alone. Over the years, I have made some again. But I’m scared I’ll never have a best friend again–someone I click with.
  4. Never losing the weight. I have been forever trying to lose this specific amount of weight (25kg), so that I will  be thin again. I’m tall, so it all stretches out, but I’m not at as happy as I am when I am thin. It’s been years, and I’m scared I will be stuck at this weight. FOREVER. I want to enjoy my twenties feeling comfortable in myself and who I am. This leads me too…
  5. Never finding myself. What if I never find myself? What if I never love myself or feel confident and comfortable. What if I forever feel lost and don’t know what to do with myself?
  6. Nobody will love me again. I know this is silly, but I’m genuinely worried that I won’t find someone who loves me for me and clicks with me and wants to be with me forever. Ugghh it stresses me out.

So yeah, these are my fears at this moment..

Let me know your fears!


4 thoughts on “My biggest fears

  1. kingoftragedy says:

    I can relate to alot of that, especially as I’m approaching my mid-thirties. I think my biggest fear is being totally alone once my children have better things to do than spend weekends with me. Thankfully, that’s still a few years away.

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