The next step?

Over the last few weeks, as we all know, I’ve been going through a tough time. Every day I think about how I can improve myself and my situation. I’m a sucker for playing victim and just letting my self fall down into a hole and not moving. I stop showering, I don’t leave the house, I don’t socialize, I don’t eat etc. All I do is cry and feel sorry for myself.

Although, as I have mentioned it before, it is okay to not feel okay. We’ve all been there and its okay. Just let it out, and when you are ready, come read this post and join me on this journey.

It’s now officially been a full month since I’ve been dumped. A full month of my depression x10, my confidence being shattered and in the negatives and just feeling hopeless and not worthy of anyone or anything. It’s a month too damn long.

I don’t think that anyone or anything should be worth this much attention and sadness from me. I shouldn’t be wasting my time and energy on shit that does nothing but bring me down.

So this is why I’m writing this now. So that it will be out there for everyone to see like a promise to the world, that I, Naomi, am going to focus on myself and my own happiness.

Too many times have I given in to my depression and moped around and done nothing but cry and cry and cry. This negativity caused me to lose many close friends of mine and push people away. Even though it wasn’t intentional, I still did it.

It’s time I take responsibility for everything. It’s my own fault for letting myself feel like this. I shouldn’t let things get to me so deeply and affect me to the point of immobilization. It’s my own fault I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I should be eating better and exercising. What I mean to say is that it is up to me what I let bother me, and how I go about things. Yes I haven’t done well in school this trimester, yes I did my best. I’m going to continue to do my best and if I don’t do well, that’s okay. Why? Because I’ll try even harder next time.

Things I will be aiming to achieve over the next few weeks:

  1. Loss of weight
  2. Better grades
  3. Clearer mind
  4. Organisation
  5. Happiness of space
  6. Happiness in myself
  7. Good and new friends
  8. To stop obsessing over my ex

How I am going to achieve these goals:

  1. Continue with Vegan Diet, but be stricter. No more occasional cheese binges in the sense of a home made cheese pizza on a wrap, no more milk or occasional ice-cream as your body goes mental with dairy, no more snacking on cereal, unless with almond milk. Also create a work out routine that you enjoy, and stick in on the wall and do it every day.
  2. Study as much as you can and try your best. Create a study routine and stick to it.
  3. Start going to bed earlier. If you are like me and find that there are too many hours in the day; going to bed early sucks. But, it makes you feel better as you can accomplish more and become more motivated.
  4. De-clutter room further. A few months ago I began the road towards minimalism. It worked for me for a little while, but I stopped because I was scared I might need a lot of the stuff that I wanted to donate. However, now in retrospect, I totally didn’t use any of it or even miss it. I did however, continue to buy more shoes.. which is bad. I will continue de-cluttering and make sure every single thing has a home in my space.
  5. After step 4, I will move around some furniture in my room until I’m happy with it again. This kind of change really picks me up and makes me want to spend time in my room (I tend to sleep on the couch downstairs when I don’t feel well).
  6. In order to be happy in myself, I will have needed to start all the previous goals. I’m a control freak. I need to be able to have every aspect under control first, before I embark on something new. Otherwise I get overwhelmed and let everything go and get swallowed up. I will begin meditating and reading self help books and pick me ups. I will practice yoga and dress how I want and not care what others think of me.
  7. I need to talk to more people more often. I usually just talk to people just in class, and then when I go home I’m alone again. I don’t have a friend I meet up with regularly and chat or text with everyday. It’s just me.
  8. I’m hoping that through the other steps, this will happen naturally. I will stop looking to him for validation or thinking that he is the only one that can bring me happiness-because he isn’t. I am the only one that can. I will hopefully stop checking over and over if he’s online or hoping he will contact me and getting disappointed when he doesn’t. I will cut down my social media time and  take time to myself. Maybe even keep a diary and write everything down when I’m feeling sad so that I can get it out.

So that is what I’m hoping to happen, and how I will go about it. I will do a check in every week on Friday to let you know how I’m feeling about this and show you my progress. Join me on this journey and let me know what your goals are and how you aim to reach them. Feel free to contact me even. Let’s start this journey together towards a better future and a better self.

Thank you for reading,

Naomi x

 

 

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