Break-ups.

Yes. The dreaded act of breaking up. I wish I could offer advice about how to get over an ex or how to move on fast. But I can’t. My boyfriend dumped me after a year together last week. 3 days after our anniversary with no valid reason as to why.

I wish I could just tell you, “yeah! It’s super easy. Onto the next in no time.” But break-ups aren’t meant to be easy. You give yourself over to this person you deemed worthy. Worthy to see the real you, the vulnerable you. You tell them all your secrets and truths and all your thoughts whether small or big. You’ve made sacrifices for them and compromises. You do everything in order to make this work. Your relationship.

When in the end, it doesn’t work. Yeah you’re devastated. Good. It means you care. It means you gave it your all. It means you loved, and you loved hard.

If you weren’t crushed at the end, then I’d be worried. It probably means your relationship was over before you even knew it.

Yeah I’m bloody ruined. I feel crushed and like part of me is missing. I feel that he is the love of my life and that I want nothing more than to be with him. But I can’t force him to be with me. I love him and I want him to be happy. If it’s not with me, so be it. That’s what makes him happy and I’m not going to be the one standing in his path to happiness. I know that time heals all. And it’s going to be a while until I’m over him. I feel part of me will always love him. He is a good man. But the day I can think about him and my heart doesn’t flicker and butterflies don’t swim around my stomach, will be the day I have healed. I know it will take time. And it’s going to be a damn long road. One I’m dreading.

But eventually, it will all be okay.

I’ll eventually find someone who loves me for me, and wants to be with me forever and go on all sorts of adventures with me. Unfortunately, it wasn’t this man. But I know one day I’ll find someone who does want to be with me.

Tips for a broken heart:

  1. Stay distracted! It’s hard. I totally get it. There are too many hours in the day. But if you plan your day the night before (full of simple things, like reading a book or having a shower), the hours will fly by less painfully.
  2. Talk to someone: Holding in all those emotions and feelings and thoughts isn’t healthy. You’ll explode, and probably explode on you know who. Your family and friends are great people to lean on. They are there for you and worried and ready to support you.
  3. Don’t take it personally: I know this is easier said than done, but hear me out. You did everything you could, so it’s not your fault. Don’t think it is. Your family and friends might also think trash talking them will cheer you up. Don’t take it to heart. But do…
  4. Be respectful: You were able to love them once. Just because your relationship didn’t work, doesn’t mean that your history is dead. Be respectful of it and don’t talk trash about your ex. You wouldn’t appreciate it if they did about you, so why should you do the same?
  5. Remove anything of theirs off your phone: Back up and remove your photos and memories. I’m not a firm believer in deleting memories, because once you’ve deleted them, they are gone. Back them up and just remove them from your hand held devices whilst this is all fresh. It will prevent you from scrolling through your photos like a maniac and crying over them (Guilty !) and then recklessly deleting everything, and probably regretting it. You can then, later on decide what you actually want to do with the photos/memories when you are more clear minded.
  6. Don’t stress or comfort eat:  I know it’s so tempting. But eating all that crap is eventually just going to make you feel worse. So just try to avoid it !
  7. Develop a routine: One that you will stick to every day. Put in eating, showering, grooming, homework and hobbies. It’s easy to fall into a slump and forget to do all of it, so by setting a routine, it will keep you going. Life will continue to go on, so don’t fall behind.
  8. Try to exercise: Trust me. It’s the last thing I want to be doing right now too, but it works. It does make you feel better. You can release your frustrations and get the endorphins flowing.
  9. Don’t give up on love: I know this isn’t what you wanted. And what happened wasn’t the best situation. But not every person and relationship will be like that. It will get better and better every time. Love is the greatest miracle of the world. SO don’t disbelieve in it.

 

My dad always tells me, “If it is meant to be, it will be.” You never know what the future holds. You can however, make sure you arrive there at your best. So don’t take it too hard, do your best and hopefully, you and I can rise out of this better than before.

Love,

Naomi.

 

 

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